COVID Bah Humbug

 I am GRUMPY today. A mean grumpy grinch. 🌵

So full of wonderful holiday spirit. Been sick with a “cold” which now sounds like “Covid” or whatever. Though I still went to work at the hospital because I can’t keep having these close-Covid-calls and what-ifs. I have to work. I’m sure it’s annoying to my coworkers. 

Sure I have a cough. Oh well. Well sure I have congestion and fatigue. So do people with colds. Well my chest started hurting this morning, was it because I was bedridden for the last 14 hours or from coughing fits? 

Now I’m getting nervous.

Anyway I went to work because I’m tired of people thinking I just baby myself out of every little piddly germ so whatever, I went to work. It’s not very easy to get coverage for a weekend shift. 

But my DayQuil hasn’t given me relief this time like it usually does. 

Now I’m weak and dizzy and my feet feel disconnected from the floor. Whatever, I'm probably just dehydrated. Not like I was drinking much water in the last day and a half. 

Anyway so I’m working on an ER patient of mine with my coworker and I’m short of breath while doing it. 

Did she notice? She knows I can’t talk through the phlegm and gurgling I’m doing on the side. My voice cracking with every dry heave of a word coming out. So she’s trying to be nice and muscle the work for me, to be my voice for the day. 

Maybe I should just get something to eat, it’s been 18 hours anyway. 

I just need this dizziness to back offfff. 

I just ate a banana, a breakfast bar and a chocolate covered protein bar. Did I even taste them? 

Wait a minute... 

I didn’t notice the chocolate. Did I? It’s just in my head. 

Did I even taste my coffee?

How about I check my smell, so I go and find a bag of bleach wipes. 

I can’t smell it….

They are bleach, aren’t they?

You’ve got to be kidding me. 

I’ll try again. Nope. Maybe it’s just in my head or it’s this bag. 

So I get another bag of bleach wipes. Still can’t smell them. 

How about I try tasting my coffee. Maybe I can tell just a little bit? Not really. I still can’t taste the chocolate protein bar. 

I tried smelling 3 different lotions, another bag of bleach wipes, and hand sanitizer. Nothing. 

I tried tasting a green apple jolly rancher. Barely tasted anything. 

I tried a mint. Nothing. 

My chest hurts…I’m so weak and dizzy and now numb and am freaking out. Is this COVID??? Did it finally get me?

What do I do?? I’m here at work. 

I’m running for my coworker. 

Jeny! Jeny? I can’t taste or smell. What do I do? 

She didn’t know. 

I kept wandering around frantically and she told me go outside and take in a big breath. 

Does she think I’m crazy? Does she believe me?

🦠

I’m blowing up my mom and husband’s phones texting them demanding guidance. Do I tell my boss? Do I stay and suck it up? What if I don’t actually have Covid? What if I go through all this work up and pay a doctor copay when I don’t even need to be seen by a doctor right now but I have to get tested, all to look like an ass with a negative test and no reliability to my boss anymore because this stuff happens too often. 

About 45 minutes into my frantics, Jeny told me to just ask our boss. 

Fine. So I texted her to call me at work. 

She just wants me to get tested. I’m relieved. I don’t deserve a boss this compassionate and understanding. 

She found someone to help me finish my shift.

She could save the world with this kind of empathy. 

She just wants me to get tested and let her know, so we can evaluate for my shift scheduled for tomorrow. 

🦠

It’s the weekend. Nobody at my doctor’s office can help me, they can’t just submit an order. 

The walk-in clinic across the street has at least 2 hours of wait time, not to mention that’s also a copay. 

Nobody in town has available time slots today, not Walgreens or CVS. 

The walk-in clinic said to call my pharmacy, they could help. 

Oh did I really believe that? Because the Kroger pharmacist said I have to buy a $24.99 take home test, that’s all I could do. Who wants to rely on a take home test anyway? 

Why doesn’t anyone in town have a free rapid test available??

Great, so I guess I have to check into the ER and pay $175 just to get a damn rapid test?? 

I can’t do that. The really good source my boss had isn't available on weekends either, of course. That was my best bet, free and quick. 

I guess I just have to face the walk-in clinic. At least one that’s closer to home. 

🦠

So, here I am. Waiting in an annoying lobby with other sick and noisy people at a different walk-in clinic with at least 90 minutes to wait. Still had to pay $30, but at least I can tell them to swab me for influenza too while they’re at it. 

Oh, I can bypass the line and do a virtual visit on mychart you say?? (Says the receptionist at the walk-in clinic). That would’ve been nice. 

I’m so glad I paid $1,400 for a fancy 5G apple iPhone 13 pro max to not be able to get the video function to work, however. Thanks apple. Or 5G Wi-Fi gods. 

So after 19 tries and waiting on hold with the mychart services specialist, they couldn’t help me figure out how to connect my video call to the provider. Back to the physical waiting line it is. 

And it’s still a 90 minute wait. 

So help me if any of these symptoms come back negative, I’ll be P I S S E D. And I’ll also be a lame unreliable jerk of a coworker who had to leave work early for nothing when everyone else actually got real Covid. 

But if they come back positive, I’ll still be pissed. Lol.

So here I wait. Hot, uncomfortable, dizzy. Dry mouth. Just another patient in line with a problem that will heal itself yet I have to come in to get documentation to prove something out of it. What a waste of everyone’s time. How embarrassing. 

🦠

**Update**

I sat in the doctor’s exam room for probably 45 minutes before someone finally came to see me. That’s the reality of it right now folks, you wait and wait and wait, then finally get called to sit in the back and wait some more. The clinic offices are stretched thin too, I know it. 

The nurse practitioner was nice, sincere. 

But came with bad news. 

I tested positive for Covid-19 AND influenza B. 

Are you shitting me???

I was dumbfounded. Completely flabbergasted. 

I truly didn’t expect to have a positive result. Let alone for two viruses. Guys, I haven’t even had influenza in more than ten years since I’d been getting the vaccine. But she said I looked and sounded good, considering having both illnesses. 

Maybe my prior vaccinations are the only thing protecting me from seeing stars because I can’t say that I feel like I’m on my deathbed. Heck, I still went to work and was willing to finish out my shift. 

My cough was minimal at this time, and I still never acquired a fever? Weird. Thought that was a given.

But I’m still pissed! I had just gotten my flu vaccine about 3 weeks ago, in fact. How bizarre. 

Well there goes my Christmas. 

Holly jolly warm special winter wishes of magical Christmas spirit to one and for all of you. 

I’ll be quarantined from everyone except my kids and husband. Since they probably already have it too. 

Bah Humbug.

12-18-21